I’ve been outed
So, I talked to my aunt- the one I just came out to who was so supportive of me- on the phone today. Ultimately, I found out I was outed to my very conservative, homophobic grandma and quite possibly the rest of my extended family.
When my aunt called she launched into this rambly monologue to tell me that she doesn’t care who I have sex with, and her best friend’s a lesbian so she’s not a bigot, but she only personally found true peace and happiness when she accepted all of the Bible as true without question. (Um, several problems with this. Namely, my coming out is a declaration about who I love, and not about my sexual activities. And I believe the Bible’s true too, I just think some people misinterpret it. At the same time, I’m touched she told me her story when my aunt’s a super private person). My aunt, however, has faith that I will find the right path one day, and thinks that because college is a time of experimentation, and I come from a stricter family, perhaps this is just my way of exploring life. (This is actually hilariously insulting, but I’m trying to recognize she didn’t mean it to be, and that she clearly doesn’t understand when I say, ‘I’ve always been queer’ I mean ‘all my life’ and not ‘all this semester’).
More importantly, my aunt told me my grandma found out and is devastated to know her favorite granddaughter is queer. She’s spent the past two days at my aunt’s, trying to call everyone she can who could possible set me straight (no pun intended, hahahah). (My aunt’s had to practically wrestle the phone away from her, and has spent her days trying to convince my grandma to settle down) And personally, I’m finding the whole idea of being the shame of my entire extended family (except, perhaps, my aunt who has faith I’ll change) very uncomfortable. We all could use your prayer or good thoughts. I need patience, grace, courage, and understanding right now, as it’s hard to hear all of this.
On the bright side, even though I probably never would have come out to my grandmother (unless I were about to marry a woman and she was still alive), I don’t have to worry or wonder how my extended family will react. And my extended family live over 1,000 miles away, and we don’t have much contact outside of the occasional visit, so their reaction doesn’t have a huge, immediate impact on my life. Also, I’m now almost entirely out of the closet. So heyo, yay me!